Reena - a social worker working within our cancer institute brought along some person aged about mid thirty in the consultation room. He was late, but doc somehow thought, he will quickly finish this last patient and go for lunch. The reports were bad! Doc did not say anything and was examining the patient. Just then a dehati old man entered the room. "I am, Santosh's dad", while saying this, the old fellow made himself little room showing quite a bit of interest in his son's physical examination. Doc quite unsurprisingly and calmly said looking at the old fellow, "the disease is out of medicine, there is no point treating him, it is better for you all to get him rested home, he has got a 9 inches of tumour in his stomach. I can feel it by hand!"
Indeed, treating him was a challenge, the tumour could have burst anytime after the treatment leading to unnecessary pains and complications. Honestly it was not required to make patients life more miserable.He had very few days remaining. The old fellow turned sad, he now understood in how much pain his son is. With agony he requested doc, "Please doc, I can sell my farm for his treatment, but please do whatever you can ." Doc calmly said giving an example to this uneducated and emotional old fellow, "I understand you, but things are out of my hands. Suppose you cooked a dish, next day when you found out that the dish is rotten. You can't bring that dish to me and say - please again make this dish edible, can't you?" This short explanation was enough for both of them.
A brief moment after patient quivered but sedately said, "I am feeling much more relaxed now!" He finally got the taste of the peace while he was still present on the earth.
It shook my heart!
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I once felt the death!
It was a trek near Wai. An unconventional middle sized mountain. My mistake, as I underestimated that. We were just four of us.Within the start of the climb we understood that the ground is loose. It must be because of hot summer and scorching sun. It was certainly not a new experience for us - and we continued climbing it, facing an occasional loose foot. The climb was pretty much easy if we would have went through the conventional way but rather than climbing in the zigzag manner we climbed it through a linear and steeper way. It was after half an hour of time, I covered three fourth of the mountain. Wind started running in the hair slowly. As I climbed to a significant height, I paused for one second on a narrow flat surface. It was on the neck of the mountain. I enjoyed the view down. Straight below me was a fall must be around 1000-1200 feet. It was not a ninety degree kind of fall but a rolling fall. With no trees, no big rocks in the way it was surely a non-stop roll to the bottom. I had a feeling of added dose of adrenalin reaching to my brain as I observe the fall. "Every time you reach to a height and you are looking down the scenery, you never believe you managed to climb so much." - I smiled in the amazement and went again on my way.
My two friends just completed the climb, which I was about to begin. This was 50 feet perpendicular rock - sand patch, I started climbing thinking about the other friend whom we left behind. I did not know where he was absconding. When we rescued him twice in an awkward but in not-so-dangerous position. He felt humiliated for that as we had to climb down only for him. Saying 'He is novice, he'll take time to be master' I started working on huge wall. I was keeping my hand and leg coordination. With step by step approach I started climbing towards big a tree root I spotted. I carefully checked twice for possible loose sand which will hamper my grip and will straightaway push me to the base tumbling down on the steep slope. I nearly completed the patch and saw two of my buddies looking at me. I had reached near the root. Flow chart of next decisions subconsciously was ready in my mind. 'Left hand for the root then right hand to reach the rock in between and on the subsequent step, I am reached.' I did as decided and I pushed myself up and grabbed the root and pulled it as to check if its strong enough to hold my body weight. As it was pretty firm I gripped and pulled myself up. My right hand went to hold a rock. To my horror the rock lost its place and moved out of the lose sand. I lost my support for right hand. I was desperately looking for any other grip. It was not there. Finally, I got fucked up when I felt the root I'm holding too cant hold for long and is too getting out of the sand. I sensed the movement of the root on the left hand. I tightly pushed my right hand fingers into the sand for grip ..... I did not have any other option. For resistance, I stuck tips of my feet in the ground as much as possible. I glanced my friends for help, they were horrified watching me. I was not accessible to them. They saw in my eyes that I am losing.
The root came out of the ground. I threw it away and dug up my left hand fingers in the sand. Both of my hands were free of grip and dug up in the wall in front me. I started sliding downwards in the ridge - 1200 feet roller ride. I thought in an electric second, "I never believed I will die today when I left my home. I still not believe I am going to die now, but anyway this seems the end of my life." Within next moment, I lost site of my friends. I tried to stick to the ground like a lizard as much possible, still I went down the hill into the ridge for around 15 feet literally ploughing the surface of sand by my fingers. My fingers acted like anchors rooted in the vertical sand. The uncontrollable slide down in the death stopped suddenly. My fingers were stuck in sand two - three inches inside. It was my sole which gathered in my fingers. I breathed. . . "I still have a chance." I again accumulated my heart and started climbing again. This time managed easily to reach to the top. I was in my senses until then but then I was so overwhelmed that I got frozen. I just could not stand on my own. I knelt down. After five seconds when I assured, 'me' still being alive. My body started shaking. I drank some water. I realised then that my all 10 fingers were bruised. Eight of fingertips are bleeding except the little finger which was injured only little bit. I cleaned the sand stuck inside the wound with water.
Death missed me by a whisker. I certainly felt relaxed and left everything when I was sliding down the ridge. I feel I happily welcomed my death that time, but I gave myself chances which I thought I deserved.
I now pretty much know how I would feel when the death sometime will face me . . . . . . again!
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