| | C.R.A.Z.Y | |

Kaleidoscope of my Mind!

My body  . . . is it deteriorating? . . .health first..... I better get into the frame of mind of the motto 'love your body' - get ready for the 'race de survival of the fittest' ...... till then I know it wont respond to perfection even if I do 1000 push-ups, Yoga or running or anything of that sort . . . but then work, career . . . this is the age . . . I gotta achieve at least bare minimum standard necessities . . . what could be it . . money?...family?....home?...materialistic things you like to flaunt . . fuck it off . . . what exactly people strive for ?. . . where is the end? . . .perhaps I am not the best person to speak about it right now...even if it is about me . . coz . . dreams and achievements make a road . . . and I do sometimes feel many people who started with me on the same journey have gone materialistically ('successfully' according to the world) have gone ahead of me'... but they suck . . I see their life and it suck . . . . they admit it to me . . . they don't consider hardship and fundamentals of being content . . . I guess they demand a lot from life . . . their desires are ever increasing . . . the basic quality of humans I guess . . . I cant even abuse the race by calling it fucking animals . . it would be insult of animal . . . they are the once who has struck to the nature for ages . . . but I dont understand why people change in this journey as they start accumulating their pre-meditated desires . . . and they change not just once . . . what makes them change . . . the surroundings . . hmmmm. . . because of the other bastards around I guess. . . depressing  crazy circle. . . I shouldn't ponder it over and over . . .the more I think about it . . the more I will be disturbed and it will affect my professional life. . . rather I should be concentrating on my goals . . . naah . . goals are the most useless thing in the life . . . . the process is important . . .flawless process in u r workflow is going to lead you to places  and take you to miles ahead of actual goal . . . . the change in the process by implementing this process is not evitable. . . and that's how real success is not far . . .! the ultimate irony however is people are going to laugh at you because you are not conventional. . . statements in the conversation with family and friends . . .and you end up thinking . . . what is exactly mine. . .is my thought process normal? . . . . I remember I used to think when I was a kid that my life is massive movie . . . the things are not happening but someone is making them happen . . . there is always some motive behind every other incidence happening in my life. . . . just like trueman show. . . but when I started understanding things . . . all these thoughts vanished . . . life became bland . . . sometimes all the possible positives seem to vanish  . . . . rather even if it is there I dont want to see dream. . . I want love to be disappear . . .the fucking deceptive fake attention . . . .bloody fake people . . .I dont need anything . . . and thats when I realise I am suffering from some kind of disorder at the end of the weekend . . . and have to manage somehow to get back for the entire week! ! ! C . R . A. Z. Y.